I was chatting about romantic partnerships with my business partner, and we talked about how some people who are single have fantasies that when they find their partner all of their stressors and struggles will disappear. Becky, being married 20 years, shared a more realistic picture of partnership. There are definite benefits like sharing of responsibilities, emotional support and splitting of financial concerns, but there is the reality that there will be give and take. You also need to be considerate of your spouse’s feelings before you make certain decisions among other things.
This conversation helped me to feel sure about promoting Ten Characteristics of a Conscious Marriage (from Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix, PhD.). I wrote about the first five a few weeks ago, so be sure to check out that blog, too.
6. You embrace the dark side of your personality. When we become aware of the dark sides of ourselves or our negative traits we are less likely to accuse our mates of our not so appealing traits. I suggest using humor when owning your own faults, it stings a bit less. But it will increase harmony in our relationships, when we “own our own crap.”
7. You learn new techniques to satisfy your basic needs and desires. After we try the tactics over and over to get our partners to meet our own needs and fall on our face, we then realize that they are resources for us but we do it in an open and more realistic way. We also seek ways to satisfy our needs on our own.
8. You search within yourself for the strengths and abilities you are lacking. During the honeymoon phase of the relationship there is an allusion that you are whole. The traits you love in your partner are usually the traits that need to be developed in yourself. This is an opportunity for you to stretch, grow and develop an underdeveloped trait(s) with yourself.
9. You become more aware of your drive to be loving and whole and united with the universe. We are whole and we are connected to the universe but we lose it or get side tracked. There is enough love to go around, and the more love we give the more love we get.
10. You accept the difficulty of creating a good marriage/partnership/relationship. It is not about picking the right partner. It is about hard work, dedication and learning ways to be the right partner. It is consciously choosing to put the work in and grow within your through relationship.
Take a look at the ten characteristics of a conscious marriage and see which once are the most valuable for you.
(Two Books- Getting the Love You Want or Keeping the Love You Find by Harville Hendrix)