I created a relationship workshop awhile back and I am facilitating one module tomorrow and the second the following Saturday. These classes are about self-discovery and living with intention in your dating life, or in your current relationship. I love these two modules in particular: De-mystifying your Type; and Envisioning or Re-envisioning your Mate. They are great for helping people know themselves better and also helpful in keeping you true to what you want. Although, the classes don’t focus on how hard dating is sometimes.
I have spent most of my adult life flying solo. I will date someone for a brief time and then date myself. I will meet someone, and then I would date myself again. The people, I am close to, know I am at the point where I would like to enjoy life within a romantic partnership. These days, I know what I want, I have become more flexible, and I can laugh at myself regularly. I have worked on my baggage and all I have left is a fanny pack. I’m going to be honest though. Dating and going out on dates, is very challenging; especially if you can’t laugh at yourself and your dates, and if you take things personally. I hope some of the things I share, you can relate to, and I hope it can help you keep persevering in the dating world. Here are my interesting/toughest/humorous dates or dating situations in the last few years.
*I went on a date with a man that was a teacher. He talked a mile a minute and I had to bring out all of my mindfulness and therapeutic skills to stay present. It was the longest 45 minute “date” of my life! At one point, he shared “You are not my type.” My reply was, “Oh really?” “What is your type?” His reply, “Well you seem level-headed, you know what you want and you are independent.” Then I asked, “What is your usual type?” “My types are angry women that yell at me a lot, and they want me to pay for everything.”
* I went out to dinner with a man that did not like what I ordered for myself and he proceeded to tell me he didn’t like it, and he ordered something else for me when the server came. I used humor and irreverence and in the end what he ordered was actually good. I decided this date to be the first and last with him.
*I am told on almost every date, “You “seem” attractive, smart and together, so WHY are YOU still single?” See you have to have a tough skin. Some of my responses are. “I guess you will have to get to know me and come to your own conclusion on that one.” Or, “I really like my own company, and I don’t need anyone to rain on my parade.” Or, “So why are you divorced?” Or, “Why are you still single?” Saying, “I haven’t met the right guy” is NOT one in my one liner responses.
* On dates, I always get “I’m cute, pretty, or I have a great smile.” That is great and all, but people who get to know me realize quickly I would rather be valued for my intelligence over my looks.
* “So, you have cerebral palsy (CP).” “Is it genetic?”
* I dated a man where we were spending a ton of time together. I liked him. I mentioned he should meet my sister, and a few other ideas, and he broke it off through text the next day! I wish cell phones could sense when we are going to make an innapropriate communication over text, so the phone could shut down.
You see, you are not alone in the tough dating world. I do feel that every time I am in a relationship, I am growing and learning more about myself, and I am getting closer to what I want. After hearing about some of my not so great dates, and If you are at all feeling better about your dating stories, and will stay with it, I am glad.