I am not good at delegating things. I have a belief that I am the best woman for the job – every job. I also don’t want to burden other people by asking them to help me, even if that’s their role in my life or they are specifically asking me what they can do to help. Most importantly, I want to control everything around me a little more than I’d ever like to admit. It’s the perfect storm of being too responsible for my own good, being very efficient, and not having a lot of practice with delegation.
For some strange reason, I think that in the time it would take to delegate a task, I could have already completed it, which is sometimes true, but not always. I also don’t think about the small amounts of stress I’m adding to my day by doing small things that others can do just as easily. Then I get frustrated because I have no time at the end of the day to relax or do the things I want to do just for me. (Remember Meg’n’s blog from last week about self-care?) I also find that I get resentful and cranky with the people in my life, which isn’t how I want to be, and is all created inside my own head because I am, after all, the cause of all this.
Additionally, there isn’t any good delegation software out there to help me. I can’t just plug the equation in and see what comes out. This is about real relationships with real people, and it’s about asking for what I need. It’s a negotiation, and those can be fragile and a little dicey at times. I have to know what the other person can handle and what would make them feel good about helping me. I have to know how to ask in such a way that is not demanding. And I have to allow them to complete the task their own way instead of my way, and, possibly in their own time – which may mean changing my timeline.
I see people who do this quite skillfully, and I try to emulate them, but I’m still learning, so I make a lot of mistakes. As with anything new, it may take a while to get good at it, and I’m impatient with the process. I can see where I want to be, and the only way to get there is to practice, over and over again until I get it right. I hope that it becomes easier in the future, and I hope that the people around me are understanding and patient with me as I grow.
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